Be my Valentine

My ‘Prince Charming” has never been one of the most romantic guy I remember once long long time ago when it was Valentine’s Day….

Characters involved

Rita (My childhood friend)
Charles (Her going to be boyfriend)
Prince Charming (You know who he is)
Me! (the heroine for once!)

Rita: Wow! Today is Valentine’s Day! I am so excited! I wonder what he is going to get me.
(now these were the initial years when love was in the air but nobody had confessed to each other about their feeling …it was sorta implied that each of us were ‘going around’ with the other)

Me: Ya I know! It feels wonderful dosent it? Being in love…going out on dates…
(I was swinging around the room with joy)

Rita: Hmm the guys better confess today that they are madly in love with us…separately of course so that we officially become boyfriend, girlfriend…I have had enough beating around the bush..

Me: Nah! That would spoil all the fun..Just imagine you already know that the guy is in love with you…. I don’t know, I just feel it spoils everything.

Rita : Maybe your right…it takes the magic out of it..

(We got ready looking like princesses ourselves and went to meet our heroes, I was tingling with joy inside…itz weird when you are in love those initial days…your filled with so much of anticipation, childish fantasies..)

We meet at a restaurant, we chose a small one so that we won’t get noticed much. I sat with Prince Charming and Rita sat with Charles , at separate tables.

“What is he going to give me?” I wondered silently. I was hoping it would be romantic and wonderful. He looked handsome in his tee and pants he had also had on him an amazingly romantic perfume…everything was just so…perfect..

“This is what I bought for you” and he removed a half-crushed red rose and placed it on the table…I was quite taken aback this was not what I expected..atleast a few romantic words…or how beautiful I am looking …or how romantic the day is. In the movies it all sounds so easy so what was happening to me right now.

“I cant take the weight of this anymore…” Prince Charming mumbled looked slightly irritated. “What is it” I asked.

“This” he removed a box of chocolates and he kept it on the table and gave a look of gratification as if he had dumped the burden off his shoulders. Being the naïve and the sensitive person that I was, I was deeply hurt. “This is not how it should be” I kept telling myself as I walked out of the restaurant, “Is this how it should be?” I found myself asking Rita..she smiled , that dreaded smile which said “Oh! My friend don’t fret, not all guys are romantic”.

“hmmph” . so this is the guy I have been waiting all my life? Whose face I see in the moon, and whose dreams keep haunting me?

To hell with all the romantic flicks. Who the hell believes in them? Well I used too…long long time ago

To expect….is to destruct

We are going to celebrate our 6th anniversary 'together'. Never realized how time passed by so eventfully. My boyfriend has always been very different, I am still puzzled if I actually love him for that or hate him. Where I am the mushy mushy kind he hates public or private display of emotions (the romantic kind I mean). So getting back to one of our previous anniversaries I was all hyped about it and I meticulously planned the whole day from the time I got up to the time I went back to sleep and it was going to perfect…just perfect.

On that auspicious day I woke up early because I could not sleep the previous night , I wanted to be at my best. I styled my hair a thousand times and I keep gazing at myself till I felt the mirror might crack. I also had the perfect gift flowers and chocolates (I know its weird but who says only guys can gift em?) and I was on my way.

I wanted to surprise him but not actually surprise him if u know what I mean, I mean surprise him because he might not be expecting me so early but I did not want him to be completely surprised because I expected him to remember our anniversary … I mean who would forget such an important date, right?

I pressed the door bell expecting a surprise myself but my curiosity kept feeding when even after two three rings he didn’t open the door. I was just about to leave when the most horrific sight met my eyes.

I stared at him open mouthed as he stood in front of me all sleepy eyed and messy hair..he had not even woken up!. Tears stung my eyes as I stood there staring at his face, the flowers and chocolates felt so heavy that I just wanted to fling them at him.

“Hi” he mumbled wondering why I am staring down his throat in the wee hours of morning. I didn’t say anything I was still reeling under the shock.

“Do you remember what today is?” I enquired my voice quivering.

“ Aaaaaa” he said scratching his head and looking at me quizzically.

Ok, I thought that’s it! I had been humiliated enough. “Happy anniversary” I barked and thrust the flowers angrily to him and walked off. I did walk off in a huff but as I walked down the lane tears of absolute anguish wet my cheeks. “How could he do this to me?” I wondered. How could he forget that it was our anniversary? Is it not a time to celebrate? It was just beyond me as to why he would not make an effort to at least remember!

I cried the whole day and never attended any of his calls. All my plans went down the drain. I forgave him later but the same saga followed year after year including my yearly outburst. But not this year I did not plan anything for our anniversary in fact I have deliberately tried to forget when the date falls (if that is possible) ..no its not revenge its just that I feel I have pushed him enough to be what he is not, if he is not the romantic type then I should accept him that way.

That’s what love is all about isn’t it? To give with no expectations right?(Ya sure!)

I Still Remember the Day......

I had just joined college then, still playing Aunt Alice and still wondering where my Prince Charming was hiding. Thatz when it happened, just like in the movies, I saw someone dressed in black shirt and black pant (nope I did not think it was a bad omen). My heart was beating wildly now (was I having a heart-attack?).Suddenly I saw this person disappear around the corner, and I ran like I never did before….thatz when all those years of no exercise and too much of sleeping caught up on me and I stopped, gasping for breath.

I did not find him that day and I kept dreaming about him. ‘So this is how it feels to be in love’ I thought. My hand was all sweaty, and my heart was beating wildly and to top it all my breath was coming in short gasps. A case of heart-attack, asthma, and sweatia (if there is a disease like that) all together. I never enjoyed being sick as much as I did now.

Finally, I was in, I was riding high on the love wagon. Yipee!

I started writing poetry from the day I met him.The poem quoted below is one of em....I know Wordsworth wont be very happy with this but come on! I was in love for the first time...what do u expect?

Love Diary

I knew not his face
I knew not how he looked
But I knew I loved him from this day
And along with him my heart he took

Transition

I don’t how it happened…I don’t know when it happened and above all I don’t know why it happened. I guess it’s just that one is never satisfied with what they have and I was not happy with single hood…I mean come on! being Aunt Alice most of the time really sucks! and something inside me was aching to join the love bandwagon.

That’s when it happened, all the dreaming and imagining….and well Mere Kwaboon mai jo aaye became my favorite song. I gave a headache to all at home practicing my vocal talent, it was my attempt to try to fit into the romantic bill. My prince charming was tall, dark (not too much) and of course handsome (nothing less than Tom Cruise).

By the time I reached the 10th grade I had charted out my whole life plan. I would fall head over heels in love with Prince Charming…would have a house by the beach (no..not the Marina Beach in Chennai…probably the Hawaiian beaches)..then we would have two kids…one boy one girl…ya.. I had also decided on the order of the kids, first would be a boy then it would be a girl. Then we would live happily ever after.

Now came my task of hunting my Prince Charming, no easy task I would say…every good looking guy was a prospect. But there was a slight problem…namely me. I looked no less than an inflated balloon…and due to a hormonal overdrive I had pimples dressed all over my face. Hmmm …..would Prince Charming find me a Princess as well? I knew the answer.

What followed were years of serious inferiority complex. I could face no guy and never had the guts to even look up at any guys face. Ugly! your ugly! Is what kept ringing in my head, ignoring it had become quite a difficult task as there was always the mirror to reinforce my beliefs. So I resigned to my Aunt Alice post with disgust but the ache always remained.

Getting started

‘I understand…I understand’ I was in the middle of an ‘Aunt Alice’ session for my best friend. She was having fights with her boyfriend who happened to have a problem with practically everything she does. From the clothes she wears to the guys she talks to. ‘But he loves me a lot you know’ she was saying between her sobs. ‘Ya puhleez’ I thought in my mind what kind of love was that when you don’t let your partner be what they are. According to her he is just possessive because he loves her lots (she kept stressing on that word quite a bit) I always nodded in agreement, I did not want to add on to her woes. She kept crying and crying till her handkerchief was soaked.

‘I will never speak to him…never! Let him go to hell!’. Just then the phone rang. It was her boyfriend on the other end. I was getting ready for another sob session. Since I was around in the room she was whispering over the phone, after a few minutes of quiet whispers she looked at me with a glint in her eyes. ‘He said he was sorry..said he would never hurt me again. After all he loves me’ and she smiled, all the ‘I will never speak to him…Go to hell….all forgotten. I nodded for the umpteenth time, this was not the first time that this has happened they always fought, always made up … then fought again. Love stinks! I thought and I thanked God a million times I was not into this.

Boy! was I proved wrong!